What is wrong with me?? I realize that there is something off about me, but I have no idea what it is... :(?

Hi everyone. I'm 22yrs old. I know I am depressed, but i feel like there is something else wrong with me too mentally but idk what it is...I constantly have bad thoughts all the time, always thinking about death/suicide...my past has been horrible, can't maintain relationships, sexually abused/molested as a child and teen, i have a violent temper, i don't take it out on ppl, but if I do get angry, I break things, I've kicked 2 holes in a door before during rage...can't make/maintain eye contact with ppl, because when i do, my brain thinks that they are thinking bad thoughts about me, mocking me, etc. sometimes I will have actual, lengthy conversations with myself, but at that moment, its like I'm talking to someone else, not me. I only realize it afterwards, when our conversation is over, that I just spent all this time, talking to myself. the fact that I know that there is something wrong with me but dont' know what, is driving me even more insane.